Four years ago, I lived in Budapest, Hungary, working at an NGO that supports contemporary dancers. It was during the onset of the COVID-19 lockdowns, and we were organising an online workshop series for artists. One of these workshops, led by Bush Hartshorn, focused on giving feedback based on Liz Lerman's Critical Response Process, which partly incorporates the principles of nonviolent communication (NVC).
At the time, I didn't realise what a paradigm shift one of the proposals by the trainer would bring to my life. He mentioned we wouldn't delve deeply into NVC due to time constraints, but he suggested an exercise: to print out the list of universal human needs he shared with us and stick it on our fridge. The next time we had a conflict with someone, we were to look at the list and ask ourselves which need of the other person might not be met at that moment. This suggestion touched something within me—a place of compassion. I could feel an internal shift. This was my first encounter with nonviolent communication.
Four years later, I still feel gratitude for that moment and the transformation it initiated in my life. Over these years, I've embarked on a journey, completing several courses and spending many hours practising the four steps of nonviolent communication. There have been many trials and errors, moments of deep connection, messes, and intents to restore those messes, all of which contributed to my learning.
Now, I stand at a new milestone, ready to deepen my practice further. The journey ahead promises more trials and errors, moments of deep connection, and more messes to create and clean up to support my learning. My desire to share nonviolent communication grows stronger and I'm gathering the self-confidence to begin this new adventure. As a first step, I invite you, if you wish, to join me: print out the list of needs*, stick it on your fridge, and the next time you face a conflict - internal or external -, ask yourself which need of the person is not being met.
If this resonates with you and you want to explore further, I invite you to a session with me based on nonviolent communication. Whether in a one-on-one setting or together with someone with whom you would enjoy having a supported dialogue/mediation, what I wish to offer is a space where all that is alive in you is welcome without judgment.
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